Character Interview with the Cast of Simulacrum

I’m going to mix it up today, because I am uninspired on the nonfiction front. So, taking inspiration from Sarah Burns of the much-missed Sarcastic Elf blog, I shall do a character interview with the three POV characters from my work-in-progress, Simulacrum. For the sake of avoiding spoilers, it will take place before the events of the book. Questions are asked by my lovely amiga, Skye Lore, a published poet in the anthology Through Rays of Light. She is also a singer/songwriter, and an author of clean mystery fiction with strong and sarcastic sibling dynamics. 

Without further ado, I shall relinquish the mic, so to speak, and let Skye take over. 

Cal, Seb, Trin – behave yourselves. 

~ K.H.

Begin transcript:

Kinsey: Welcome, lovely ladies and gentlemen, to our interview.

Skye: Thanks for having me! 

Seb: If you expect me to thank you for this… this publicity stunt which I did not agree to do, you’ve got another thing coming. My blasted assistant signed me up for this without my consent. 

Trin: Ooh this is going to be fun! You know, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be on camera – I mean, like, me me on camera instead of just my hands. *quickly smooths hair*

Cal: Yes, thanks, Kinsey. Much appreciate it.

Skye: Well, I’m glad at least some of you are happy to be here. Let’s get started, shall we?

Seb: *rolls eyes* If we must. *crosses arms* Let’s get it over with.

Skye: Alright then. If you could go anywhere in the world for one day, where would it be?

Trin: Somewhere out in the middle of, I don’t know, Kentucky or South Carolina or something. A hundred miles away from any big cities, with just forests and fields of wildflowers and no people. 

Cal: Hmm. *strokes chin* I guess… I guess I’d take somewhere out in the wild too, but with some mountains. Someplace I could fish? Or maybe London, to explore the literary and historical sites?

Seb: *swallows and rubs his thumb along the armrest of his wheelchair* I… uh, it’d be nice to visit home again. Maybe. I dunno. I grew up just south of Scotland. Lovely area. But… I haven’t been back in a while.

Skye: How about your favorite animal?

Cal: Dogs. Hands-down. Good loyal animals, goofy, just all-around solid pets to have around.

Trin: I always liked baby chicks when we had them on the farm. *wiggles a little bit in her chair and smiles at the memory*

Seb: *snort of amusement* Joy once told me I ought to get a cat because it was the only animal that could rival me for sheer pigheadedness. But I can’t stand the wretched things. Regardless, I don’t really have the sort of lifestyle that has room for pets. And I’m not a huge animal person as it is.

Skye: I see. What are y’all’s favorite movies?

Trin: The Princess Bride. *smirks at Cal* Gimme the rom-coms, baby.

Skye *grins*: Inconceivable!

Cal: Hey, the Princess Bride is a solid classic. Not like that other trashy stuff you like. All those Hallmarks and bad-boys – *laughs as Trin elbows him* I like thought-provoking movies. Inception, Arrival, Tenet –

Seb: You realize those movies are ridiculously inaccurate? For starters, the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis has been proven –

Cal: I’m not in it for accuracy – I want the philosophy. Something to get the gears of my brain moving. They don’t have to be perfect in every single aspect.

Skye: So, what’s your favorite movie, Seb? 

Seb: Hmmm. I don’t know. Don’t have much time for movies either. But I am a bit of a retro soul, and I am massively fond of synthwave. I’ll say Tron:Legacy – that’s the most recent thing I can think of that I enjoyed. There’s rather something to its message of pride and overreaching with technology.

Skye: What’s your favorite dessert?

Cal: Trin bakes some mean chocolate-and-butterscotch cookies.

Trin: Awww, thanks. Yeah, I do like those cookies, but I like Grandma’s cinnamon roll recipe too. Eesh, I don’t know which one is better. Can I call it a tie?

Seb: Anything chocolate. I mean real chocolate, British chocolate. Cadbury, not that Nestle rubbish. And some rum or cordial flavors don’t hurt either. It needs to be strong enough for me to taste it, given the side effects of… *gestures down to his wheelchair*… the SCI.

Skye *nods*: I can respect that. 

Seb: As you should. *smirks approvingly* 

Skye: Okay, now. *turns serious* If you had a car that traveled at the speed of light, what color would you paint it?

Seb: *raises eyebrows* What kind of question is that? Why is the car traveling at the speed of light? Just a second ago, it was all softball stuff, but this is baffling – why do you mention both the car’s speed and color? They don’t have anything in common.

Trin: Blue. A pretty turquoise blue.

Cal: If I just had a car that worked, period, I couldn’t care less what color it is.

Skye *dissolves into laughter*: But see… none of you pointed out the fact that if a car was traveling at the speed of light… you wouldn’t be able to see what color it is.

Seb: *waving a censorious finger* Now wait a minute, we can still see the color of sunlight, or other stars’ light – which, you realize, is light, traveling therefore at the speed of light. There are inherent flaws in your assumptions.

Skye: Yes, however, the sun is always there, a car flashing by that quickly only once… well, you probably won’t even see it, let alone the color. 

Cal: *grins at Seb* I think she’s right.

Seb: *glares* No, I simply misunderstood. She did not clarify that I was a fixed object, which the car had to travel past. She simply said ‘a car that could travel at the speed of light.’ She did not indicate motion happening, or my relative position to said motion!

Trin: *looks alarmed* Geez, Seb, it’s not that serious. Relax.

Seb: Not that serious? You’d call physics ‘not  –

Kinsey: *cuts his mic until he finishes the rant*

Skye: So maybe I left out a few details… But, come on. At least Cal thought it was kinda funny. *coughs* Anyways. Back to the important questions. Favorite music genre?

Seb: *pulls out of a fierce glaring contest with Kinsey* Synthwave. Excellent work music.

Trin: Indie or alt pop. Lofi, and stuff like Owl City, Twenty-One Pilots, or Matthew Parker. Some regular pop too. Imagine Dragons.

Cal: We’re both a sucker for Coldplay. I like old hymns too, and Zayde Wolf, Journey, Guns N’ Roses, anything that hits hard. I also really like 30’s to 50’s big band swing. You know,‘See Ya Later Alligator,’ ‘Tequila,’ and the like.

Skye: What would your ideal day look like?

Cal: I’d sleep in, take a nice long walk or hike, or go hunting back in Wilder’s Creek. Or I’d go driving out to the small towns that are on the fringe of Aldeston, you know, the ones the city has almost sort of eaten, and poke around old bookshops and antique stories.

Trin: Paint, do some baking? I mean… there’s not much in this city I like… when I was a kid I had lots of ideal days… but here… *trails off and picks at the hem of her sleeve*

Seb: I can’t even imagine what sleeping in would feel like. Can’t remember the last time I did it. Sounds heavenly. I don’t know. Honestly… life has been work, work, work, for so long. I frankly don’t know what I’d do without a project.

Skye: What is your biggest pet peeve?

Seb: *eyes flick to Cal* Inefficiency. Ineptitude. Incompetence. Constant questions…

Cal: That felt pointed.

Skye *exchanges glances with Trin*: Oh boy.

Seb: *lifts eyebrows and smirks* I’m kidding. It’s too easy, Edwards. Just getting a rise out of you. 

Trin: *scowls* My biggest pet peeve is being babied. Treated like I’m stupid.

Cal: Oh not this again. This isn’t the time…

Skye: And let me guess, Cal. This conversation is your biggest pet peeve?

Cal: *laughs bitterly* One of them. I also can’t stand people telling me how I ought to act, my favorite bookstores going woke, drunks and potheads causing trouble at the gas station, that funny noise the car makes when I push it over forty, homeless psychopaths on the metro, certain… ahem, managers, anyone who messes with my sister, neighbors who use up the hot water, our culture’s loss of honor in general…

Trin: *exasperated* He has a lot of pet peeves.

Skye: Yes… I see that. On a hopefully happier note, what is your dream? Y’know, “I’ve Got a Dream” kinda vibes from Tangled.

Trin: *starts singing along with Skye* I’ve got a dreeeeam, I’ve got a dreeeeam! *giggles* To be a famous artist. Go to a fancy art school and get pieces shown in a museum.

Cal: Live a good life. Do my dad proud. I… I’ve never really thought any further than that. I always knew it wouldn’t be an option, so why torture myself with ‘could have been’s?’ Maybe I’d like to become a cop, like Dad and Lee. I don’t know.

Seb: *suddenly looking far more serious than he has been yet far* Design and mass-produce unparalleled new BCI’s so that no one has to… I mean, yeah. So that no one has to suffer from things like paralysis. Or the inability to talk. Give people back their lives, you know?

Skye: *expression softens* That’s very admirable. 

Seb: *snorts* Oh luv, admirable is not a word I’d use to describe myself. *pulls out his pocket flask and takes a quick swig*

Skye: Either way, I’d say there’s certainly more to you than meets the eye.

Seb: *looks aside* Trust me, you wouldn’t want that ‘more of me’ to meet your eye. I… I got into some interesting circles during university.

*Cal and Trin both turn to stare at him*

Kinsey: *intervenes suddenly* Okay, okay, no spoilers, ya’ll. Sebastian Avery Inglewood, you keep those skeletons in the closet where they belong, or else.

Skye: Well, the author has spoken. *turns back to Seb* I guess we’ll find out, then, won’t we? For our next question, I’d like to know… If you could offer one piece of advice, what would it be?

Seb: Don’t ever accept job offers from egotistical psychopaths with atrocious taste in suits.

Skye: *blinks* That seems… oddly specific.

Seb: *winks* Alas, I cannot clarify further. Otherwise, I have a feeling that that nerd lurking behind her laptop and scolding about spoilers might once again intervene.

Kinsey: *coughs* Yes, she will. Stop baiting the audience. Trinity, dear?

Trin: Be yourself. Give yourself you-time, and take care of your emotional health.

Cal: *growls* Yes, but there’s such thing as too much you-time, to the point where you become a fragile hermit who is most definitely not being a light in this world. And frankly, I think ‘emotional health’ is just being used by the mainstream as an excuse for being easily offendable and soft – 

Trin: Hey, I’m just answering the question. This is my advice.

Cal: Fine then, this is mine. Life isn’t about you. And it’s not easy. Especially if you’re going to be a Christian in it. Suck it up and be a man. Hold onto the right, even when it’s unpopular. Follow the truth even when everybody says you shouldn’t.

Skye: Now… next question. What’s your favorite weird food combination?

Seb: Scotch and tea. Caffeinated tea, otherwise what’s the point?

Trin: *pulls a face* Ew. Why?

Seb: *shrugs*  It was a spur-of-the-moment experiment, with surprisingly pleasant results. Also, thanks to my SCI, I can hardly taste it.

Skye: *mutters* Man, and I thought that me liking Nutella and Goldfish together was weird.

Cal: I wouldn’t say I have any favorite weird food combos, though I’ve certainly made some interesting things when the grocery budget is low. Trin, I know you’ve got one. *nudges her gently*

Trin: *blushes and shrinks back within her hoodie a little* Um… yeah. I like ham and pepperoncini sandwiches. With yellow mustard. It’s got a good kick, you know? And if the ham is sweet, like honey ham? Mmm…

Skye: Hm. Okay. What’s your ideal weather?

Trin: Sunshine, but the sort of sunshine where there’s rain coming in the afternoon so you get to watch all the fun stormclouds come in.

Seb: There’s something vaguely… I don’t know, cathartic and satisfying about a rainy day. Moody. I’ve always liked them. Maybe it’s because we got a lot of rain growing up. It’s nice to work to. A steady rhythm, a nice feeling of being sheltered inside…

Kinsey: Agreed.

Skye: Amen, writing in the rain is so stinkin’ cool. 

Cal: My favorite weather is a nice crisp fall day, where it’s not too cold that you can’t enjoy being outside, but where all the leaves have started turning. Or a summer night when it’s cool and you can taste the rain on the air, and all the fireflies are out.

Trin: Ooh yessss fireflies.

Skye *smiles* Yeah. *glances at watch*: Oh wow, the time has really flown. Looks like we only have time for one final question. 

Seb: Thank goodness.

Skye: Oh, come on, you can’t say you haven’t gotten at least a little bit of amusement and enjoyment out of this.

Seb: *quirks eyebrow* Fair. *leans back* Fine, hit me with it, lady.

Skye: *smirks* For our last question… drumroll, please… 

Kinsey: *pulls up sound effect and plays through studio speakers*

Skye: Thank you. Now… If there was one day you could relive, what day would it be?

Seb: *assumes a calculating look* In your hypothetical scenario, can we change things from that day? Redo, or prevent, things?

Trin: *perks up*

Cal: *also looks interested* Yeah. Same question.

Skye *ponders*: …Let’s say yes. 

*All three glance at each other*

Seb: Who goes first? Seems we all have something that immediately leaps to mind.

Cal: Ladies first? I mean… if you’re up for it, Trin?

Trin: *quietly* Yeah, sure. I… I guess it would be the Sunday there was… I mean… when… *voice cracks*

Cal: *in a gravelly voice* The day our dad got murdered. The day a maniac shot up our church. We’d make sure it never happened. I don’t know what I’d do, but I’d do something. *smacks fist into hand*

Seb: *gives the siblings a once-over with something approximating pity on his face* For me… I’d make sure Hughes and I never went to that party. That’s… yeah. *rubs his palms on his legs*

Skye *expression saddens* I’m so sorry. To all of you. 

Kinsey: I’m not. Yeah, yeah, I’m heartless. Not sorry. Trust me, it’s for your own good.

Skye: I will be sorry on behalf of both of us *frowns at Kinsey*

Kinsey: *looks loftily at ceiling and channels her inner Uncle Andrew* Ours is a high and lonely destiny, us authors.

Skye: *sighs* *turns to Cal, Trin, and Seb* Well, despite the melancholy ending, it’s been a pleasure, Cal, Trin, Seb. We should do it again some time.

Cal: *Stands up and offers his hand* Thank you very much, ma’am. 

Skye *shakes his hand* Thank you.

Trin: *rises after her brother and holds out arms for a hug* I like you. You’re really easy to talk to. Actually listen to me, you know?

Skye *grins* *hugs Trin* It’s mutual. And thanks. We’ll have to watch Tangled together sometime. 

Trin: *grins* Absolutely! And all of Cal’s least-favorite Hallmarks. *snickers*

Skye: Perfect.

Seb: *lifts two fingers in a salute and pushes his wheelchair back* Cheers, luv.

Skye *smiles* *copies his salute*: Cheers. 

Kinsey: Aaaand that’s a wrap. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, for tuning in. Skye, thanks again, mi amiga. Folks, she jumped in in a pinch to help us out today because my stinking brain decided that it was not going to produce any ideas. Give her a big hand and some love in the comments.

Skye: Aww, it was my absolute pleasure. Thank you for having me! 

Kinsey: That’s all for now, folks. Until next time, keep shining!

This week’s bonus reading material: A good post by an acquaintance of mine, Grace MacPherson on how stories ought to shape children’s moral imagination.